My Summer Vacay

Okay, Ya'll.  I can't get sharing this with you off my mind, so here goes.

This summer I wasn't in a very good place.  I was short tempered.  Ill-tempered.  Trudging.  My patience well was dried up.  I kept looking for God's joy.  His will.  His purpose.

I began to sense that this mood, this cloud, whatever it was, wasn't going anywhere.  I started watching to see what God would do.  Started anticipating His response.  I knew it was coming.  I even anticipated that it might be disciplinary for my poor attitude and poor reactions to my husband and children.

He would deal with me.  Whether positively or negatively, He would deal with me.

Because He wouldn't leave me here.  That much I knew.  This was not His will for us.  And I knew it.  I felt it.

Not to mention there's this thing called the scriptures that tells me His promises.  But, I'll leave that there for now.

So, we had this thing called vacation planned.  It was to be our first big vacation, the first time my children would see the ocean.  We'd started planning it in December - anticipating our 15 year anniversary.

Even further back, say September or October of last year I had begun praying for vacation - believe it or not.  You might think that's a funny thing to pray about, but I've been longing for a big trip.  We've been camping and we've been as far as 5 hours away from home, but I wanted to take my kids to the beach.  I wanted at least 12 hours in the car.  I wanted the 6 of us together with the waves and the sun and no phones, jobs or schedules - for several days.  I sound very demanding, but I'd been reading the Circlemaker and as I wrote down my desires for my children and husband I felt that little whisper.

God asked me to give Him my stuff.  Even the things that seemed selfish or insignificant in light of eternal things or more basic needs.  And this was some of my 'stuff'.  So I put it on the list - and a few months later on a date night My Man looked at me and said we're going.  Where do you want to go - beach or mountains (My Man does not even know that list exists!)?  BTW, the list isn't even a year old yet and I can't tell you how many things God has crossed off it already - oh wait, I can because I wrote them down!

So here comes our big trip.  And I'm a pill.  I'm tired of all my schedules.  I'm tired of hanging on to my patience for dear life.  I'm just tired.  But I got it all done and we got in the car and set off for our long anticipated big trip.

You guys, the kids were so good.  And it was so fun.  And no one was bickering.  We drove ELEVEN HOURS that first day and my kids were rockstars.  We overnighted in a hotel, hit the road for another four hours and landed.  Beach.  Finally.  This was their first look.

And I breathed a little bit.  We were there for a week and at the beach every day.  Sometimes for 6 hours.  We saw dolphins, jellyfish, sharks, clams, stingrays, sand dollars, and turtles.  Everything was beautiful.  And I saw God's hand in all of it.  And I drew breath.

We met couples with teenagers, emptynesters and young families with littles.  He reminded me that this is just a short period of time.  One of these days we'll be setting up camp on the beach just the two of us - like Ruth and Fred.  One of these days we'll be dragging teenagers, willing or no, with us like The Kuhl Family.  All of these things I knew - but I needed His tending, His whispered reminders.

And everywhere I looked I saw couples and families thriving and loving on one another.

And I heard it.  That still, small voice I'd been waiting for all summer.

Carissa, you've been believing the lies.  

And the world fell away.  I mean just. went. still.  He was so right.  I'd let them in and I was seeing everything through them.

I was sitting in the middle of paradise looking at crystal-clear, blue-green water lapping at white beaches and I couldn't take my eyes off the people.  The strong, happy families loving on one another.  The parents rubbing down kiddos and the couple making their teenage son take their picture while they kissed in front of the ocean.

There is so much brokenness out there - but there is SO MUCH GOOD happening too.  He didn't leave us here to deal.  And that little voice telling you that everything's broken or that nobody's broken and you're alone in your brokenness is lying.

And I'm not even kidding you He filled up my dry well and I had unbelievable supernatural patience for weeks.  You may laugh when I tell you, but it was a MIRACLE, people.  I almost didn't tell you because it sounds so funny, but it was instant and there is no other explanation for it.

Now I need to go back to Florida.

Just kidding.

My God is good.  And He cares for me.