Okay! Well. Let me just start by saying, our house is on the market. Do you have any idea what it's like to keep a house virtually perfect with 3 children under 5? I keep thinking Powell's going to use the bathroom right before we leave and I'm not going to catch it. How embarrassing. He so doesn't always flush.
Anyway, so far it's gone fairly well. Although, we have had so many showings, I'm thinking, will someone just buy it already? Literally, one every day and two on Saturday. This makes me a very short-tempered mother. How do you spend time in your house with so many youngsters trying not to mess anything up? Anxiously. That's how. Every time they play with anything I'm looking at the clock trying to figure out if I'll have enough time to clean it up if we get a thirty minute notice. I will be really, really happy when we are no longer selling our house.
Speaking of, I have to tell you, this has been an interesting journey for Chris and I. We have been thinking about moving for a couple of years now. For many reasons. In that time we have prayed for God's will and purpose but it was in the last few weeks that we committed to each other to really make it a priority. Obviously, we felt led to put the house on the market. As we did, we began focusing on specific scriptures and praying for God's will with expectancy. We sought out our small group leaders and asked for their input and prayers. I believe, Wednesday we will ask the rest of our small group to pray. Of course, we asked our families to pray. With the number of lookers I tend to think that God's going to sell our house and I'm very excited (although I'm trying to wait till He does so to BELIEVE that we're moving).
Having said all of that, I still struggle with an age old fear of mine. I'm just now beginning to realize that it's the same one rearing it's ugly head. And here it is: I am terrified I'm going to irreversibly and irrevobably mess up my kids. I'm so afraid that whatever decisions I make that will affect my kids' lives (FOR-EV-VER!) will be the wrong ones!!! Is this the fear of every parent? Or is this just me and my irrational need to control? I have had thoughts that go along the lines of - what if Powell's future wife is here and I move him away from her? WHAT?! That is SO not the way God works! And I know it! So, why can't I seem to get rid of this fear for good? I have concquered it in other areas of my life, but here it is again in a new area. Will it ever go away? With practice and time (and, of course, my never ending pleas to God), will I become a confident parent?
And what about the effect my fear has on the kids? I am certain that there are consequences to living in fear. Not what I want. So, if you will, please pray for me in this area of my life as I continue to face it and to ask for advice from fellow moms and mentor moms.
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